[Movie Review] House of Gold

House-of-Gold

Daviruz: So its one of those cheery old Wednesdays and next thing I know, I get this message from my fellow movie blogging partner of Sodas & Popcorn

M.Y: Yo, remember we are seeing House of Gold

daviruz: Dude tis a Nigerian movie. Will see it during lunch break.

M.Y: Come on. Please do this for a hommie.

daviruz: Sigh. Okay. Okay. I will buzz you when I am done.

Daviruz:  So I went to see the movie and I must first admit that the crowd got me surprised and hence I settled down to watch my first Nigerian movie in the cinema since the cinema culture was revived in Nigeria back in ’04. *well done M.Y*

M.Y: LOL…Well I am proud to be the first to drag your racist ass to the cinema to see a Nollywood movie. Sadly, this was no Phone Swap or Awakening.

Daviruz: Sigh it’s just Last Flight to Abuja all over again. House of Copper is a movie about…..

M.Y: Errr House of Gold you mean?

Daviruz: Well, that’s what I said. Stop interrupting me please.

M.Y: LOl…No vex sir. So as you were saying, it’s about what?

Daviruz: Yeah, it’s about Dab Ansah Williams, a high flying entrepreneur/business mogul, polygamist and socialite, who is battling with cancer and has 6 weeks left to live according to medical practitioners. With the help of his longtime associate and legal representative, he embarks on a mission to call all his children back home – most of who were born out of wedlock and various illicit affairs.

M.Y: The re-union proves a little more than everyone bargained for as each child returns with an agenda, setting the stage for the most hilarious and bizarre 7 days of their lives.

Daviruz: Don’t get it twisted, all that synopsis isn’t us o. Its Copy and paste we did from the press release for the movie.

M.Y: So here below is what WE really feel about the movie. Hope you enjoy. Apologies in advance to Nollywood fans who like the movie, but it is what it is.

^^^^^ That is the script.

Daviruz: The script… O the script… Know how difficult or near impossible it is for an ocean liner to traverse a stream instead of an ocean?

M.Y: No I don’t. We have no history of being sailors in my family so enlighten me please.

Daviruz: Hmmm. Okay. *Puts on glasses* this is what this script is. It aims to be a stream but just overflows the boundaries and becomes an ocean of mess. I could agree it was meant to be a comedy but please they could have done it better, making each character and subplots a bit more believable.

M.Y: My learned colleague has spoken well. Though the character development was good and everybody’s role was well outlined and defined, the story told was not just it. As every major flop in history, their stories have potential but somehow they end up going last-flight-to-Abuja on us all and just crashes shortly after takeoff.

Daviruz: Are we going over look scenes like the Lipton logo showing for the supposedly Congolese tea?

M.Y: Nope we are not.

Daviruz: Or are we going to overlook the fact that an android phone which was in call and on baba house of gold’s ear had its light on and menu button with a broken screen was showing (a multibillionaire owner of the house of gold o… Hian)

M.Y: Nope we are not.

Daviruz: So what are we overlooking?

M.Y: Let’s overlook the dragged story.  And oh, what was the mission the owner of the house of gold embarked upon again?

                                                                          The Directing

Daviruz: The producer and director tried but there were flaws. Hospital scene was poorly portrayed… Can we have set designers please? No be only interior hall decoration dey ooo. Cameras always zooming in too close on character faces which was appalling for me.

M.Y: Well. Decent directing. Pascal Amanfor is no newbie. But as always with most nollywood movies. I almost went deaf. Ahn ahn! D echo and noise. …

Daviruz: Bro. I think that was your cinema not the directing. I heard the movie stopped like three times, mouse drags showing all over the screen and they restarted several times. And the noise from the event outside the hall was disturbing. Is that true?

M.Y: Sigh. It is true o my brother. And that was my first time to the prestigious cinema in the heart of V.I. So like you said ‘maybe’ that’s the cinema’s fault.

                                                                              Acting

Daviruz: Yvonne Nelson?

M.Y: She was okay. Nothing special. First movie of her’s I am seeing and I wasn’t impressed.

Daviruz: Ice Prince?

M.Y: LMAO. The guy should stick to his soup and star abeg. No road for Nollywood for am.

Daviruz: Omawunmi?

M.Y: Well. She did try. I was surprised I didn’t think she could act. But she still needs some training though.

Daviruz: Majid?

M.Y: That guy is now fat sha.

Daviruz: Err is that all?

M.Y: Yeah yeah. Please move on.

Daviruz: House maids and driver?

M.Y: Well. What do you expect from house maids and a driver? Not much. The house maid (main one) was just forming tongue twister

Daviruz: Be feeling like a tornado. Hiss. So there. That’s a rundown of the acting.

                                                                                 The Verdict

Disclaimer:

M.Y: Nollywood addicts would have had a great time watching this movie. Which admittedly was indeed funny in some points.

Daviruz: But then. It is what it is. A badly written funny movie Nollywood heads would love. If you are a big fan of great movies and you were attracted to this movie by the awesome title and lovely poster, then move along. Nothing here for you.

M.Y: So it’s a popcorn and water from us for this movie. Thank you daviruz for having me on your blog. Love what you did with the walls and the huge plasma screen.

Daviruz: Tis LED… LED ooo. How many times will I teach you ogbeni?

Do visit Sodas and Popcorn also. They rate movies via the goodies you take when seeing the movie. Popcorn and water will translate to a rating  of 5.5/10 here.

Happy birthday to another great blogger on the Nigerian blogsphere of which this post is also for you, madam Glowingscenes. Go visit her blog for rants and interesting stories especially her current series titled “Chocolates and Sushi“.

Until next time,

Without Wax,

V.

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